The bright midday sun shone down on Emily’s face. It was a balmy April noon and the palm trees swayed to their own rhythm. Her skin was hot, but it wasn’t unbearable.

She squinted, pushed her sunglasses further up the bridge of her nose, and put down the book that she’d been devouring for most of the past hour. It was a psychological thriller, she loved the thrill that genre gave her - she lived for the rush that she received from such fast-paced books, and that they made her heart race.

You could call her the typical adrenaline junkie.

Taking a sip of the carbonated beverage that she held in one hand, she imagined if TV static could taste like something, this would probably be it. She had only bought it from the stall because she’d seen a bunch of giggly girls do the same, and wanted to know if it was the beverage that was making them giggle.

The sun was bright, it made the humid air shimmer like mirages in a desert.

The smooth, white sand of Long Beach had soaked in all the warmth the sun had to offer. It burned at her toes when she tried to stand up.

Emily thought she should make her way to her chateau to get changed for lunch - her friends had practically been begging her to join them for mimosas and some smoked salmon. The thought of the lavish brunch made her stomach grumble, but the thought of seeing them made her nauseous.

Growing up, Emily always struggled to make friends. Maybe it was her eccentric sense of style, or that she always had slightly asymmetric ponytails. Perhaps it was because of her excessively mature nature, and that she used words that they had never heard before?

Or maybe, it was the fact that her dissociative identity disorder tended to play out at the worst of times.

She was diagnosed with the condition when she was about 7 years of age, when she swung a bat at her best friend’s skull and was later found crying, cradling her. They were at the playground, and another parent that had witnessed the horrifying scene had the presence of mind to call Emily’s parents instead of the cops.

She convinced the child psychologist that she was taken to - that she could not remember doing such a thing, but at night, she crept up to her parents’ bedroom, slid underneath their sheets, and told them “a voice in her head” made her do it.

They had to skip town, the rumors about their child being possessed were seemingly getting out of hand. So Emily, her brother who was four years old at the time, and their parents moved to a neighborhood where they thought they could begin with a clean slate, and also find out a little more about this little “voice” inside Emily’s head.

They found a neurologist who was able to make her comfortable, and she was able to convey to him that sometimes, she thought that somebody else had tak- en possession of her body. That it seemed like it was someone much older, most probably masculine, and that he had malicious intentions. But she would never be able to recollect the exact details of the incident - and that she would almost lose control of her body.

Puzzling as it may sound, it stemmed from the deeply rooted commitment issues that were instilled in her because of the trauma she had been through when she was a child of about five.

Emily had a second uncle who was closer than a blood sibling to her parents.

He’d come by their place every weekend, the adults would watch a match on the television and the children would play around them. At some point, this uncle had Emily to himself. He made her do unspeakable things, and promised her that it would be their little secret, “forever”.

Her parents never found out, but her grandmother always had a hunch. She spoke to Emily’s uncle and made sure he never set foot in their house again.

Emily’s DID, like most other people, was caused due to some sort of overwhelming trauma, especially abuse, during childhood. For most of the rare cases in which children are diagnosed, the alters happen to be “imaginary playmates”. But it wasn’t the case for Emily - as the neurologist had so carefully been able to point out.

It seemed to have been her abuser’s personality that she internalized, and the fact that she might have gotten fond of him was the cause of this. When he left without saying anything to her, it eventually fueled this rage - what caused the split in her personality. She was heard murmuring his name in her sleep oftentimes after his sudden disappearance.

Emily thought that she should compose herself, that she was a grown woman now. She picked up her towel, closed her umbrella, and shook the sand out of her sandals. She pushed aside the squeamish feeling that arose at the thought of her friends’ three squealing kids who she was about to meet. She couldn’t let these silly thoughts get to her!

It was another thing that she deliberately steered clear of children all her adult life - and had thus managed to avoid any “mishaps” that could’ve been as identically hazardous as the incident with her poor best friend. She remembered that they were on the see-saw and that Nancy asked her if she would be her friend forever. After that, it was a blur.

She only vividly remembered the color of the blood that streamed like a little river down her Nancy’s forehead and onto her yellow daisy-print dress.

Her college friends convinced her to take a vacation this summer with them at Long Beach. They insisted that she come with them, although she was the only unmarried one. They promised they’d make her feel included, it had been way too long since they had met for a reunion. Emily had tried her hardest to fit in while she was at design school, and surprisingly enough, she made friends that made her feel centered. Three of them - Julia, Hayley, and Lizzie. The four of them have been through thick and thin. Well, as thick or thin as it can possibly get during college. Either way, she was thankful to have them in her life. So, she agreed.

She made her way down to the chateau and decided to instead think about how she could help make the evening more fun. She hated being in the company of children - which is why she had thought she’d spend the morning by herself. Alas, she was in a situation where being surrounded by squealing voices was not completely unavoidable. She thought that maybe she could arrange for a barbeque grill and a bonfire, the usual things to do at a beach. Then she thought of finding a store to purchase some marshmallows from, Because after all, what is a bonfire without some s’ mores!

Emily found the receptionist at the main chateau of the hotel, and informed her that those would be the things she’d need. She went back to hers and decided to run a warm bath to calm her veins before lunch.

She sank into the bubble bath and found her thoughts wandering. She thought of her mother, whose expression on that fateful day was ingrained so clearly in Emily’s mind. When she came running towards her and tore Nancy away from her arms. She only remembered feeling horrible shame and regret. Needless to say, she hadn’t seen Nancy since. She wondered if she had gotten married and had her own set of kids.

She drifted off to sleep, the water was the right temperature and she had managed to get her head comfortably balanced against the edge of the tub.

When she woke, it was near dusk, with the sky growing dark in the distance. Her neck was sore.

Shoot, she missed lunch with the girls. Warily, she looked at her phone - 5 missed calls and almost twice as many text messages. She sighed. She thought of an excuse, messaged that she wasn’t feeling too good after the sunbathe session (although she felt as invigorated as ever) on the group, and promised them she’d join them for dinner. She confirmed with the receptionist that the plan for the marshmallows, grill, and bonfire was still on, and tried to look for something decent to wear for the evening.

She decided on a white low cut top that wasn’t exactly form-fitting but still flattered her torso. Rummaging through her purse, she found a tiny silver chain that would compliment the outfit, threw on herfavorite high waist jeans, and brushed her hair into a messy bun. Hmm, it looked too formal. She pulled two strands of hair out from near her temples and twirled them. Swiping on some pink lip gloss, she thought to herself. Not bad! She slid on her favorite pair of chunky black heels, shut the curtains, and stepped out, hoping for the best. The hotel had managed to surprise her with their hospitality more than a few times. They made sure that they were available and equipped at all times for any kind of emergencies, medical or otherwise. They had managed to set up quite a nice event, with speakers playing soft music and fairy lights strung across rods propped up high. It was a great atmosphere!

She spotted Julia and Hayley with their husbands and children frolicking about. She could see their faces beaming, they seemed so proud of their children. Or maybe it was the glow from the firelight. She took a deep breath and made her way towards them.

“Oh look, who finally decided to show up!”, Julie said through a fit of laughter.

She was wearing what looked to be an expensive emerald green wraparound dress that would cost upwards of a hundred dollars, but having known her for 7 years made Emily realize it was probably a dress she “thrifted and flipped”, as she likes to say. Never in a million years would you find Julie supporting fast-fashion, she always purchased apparel from sustainable brands - and when she couldn’t, she would thrift and tailor them. Needless to say, she looked stunning.

“Quit harassing her, she’s always been our lovely sleeping princess, right? Don’t forget that she graduated from school only by sleeping through half the lectures and pestering us to fill her in on weekends!”, Hayley exclaimed. She hadn’t changed a bit since school. The same twinkling eyes, tight ringlets of curly brown hair that seemed to have a life of their bouncing around her shoulders. Emily went and gave them a big hug.

She greeted the husbands with a warm smile and firm handshakes, and they offered her a beer. She sank into one of the chairs they had arranged for the guests, popped her can open, and suddenly realized that Lizzie was nowhere to be seen. “What’s up with Lizzie?” “She’ll be here in a bit, her child was giving her some trouble so she went to find something to entertain her”, said Julie.

Not more than five minutes later, Lizzie’s markedly shrill voice pierced their chatter, indicating that she was at least half a mile away. They joked about it since college, and Lizzie hated being characterized by the sound of her voice. But well, maybe it was better than being characterized by one’s sleeping habits.

Lizzie could be seen in the distance dragging a cute little girl with blond locks by the elbow, seemingly scolding her for some reason.

She murmured a faint hello to Lizzie’s kid, who seemed to shy away. Lizzie nudged her. “Go on, show her what you have for her!” The child held up a coral necklace that Lizzie might have bought from one of the stalls and offered it to Emily. She gingerly took it out of the child’s hands and placed it around her neck. Hayley’s husband yelled from across, “Relax, the child isn’t going to bite you!” Little did he know that it wasn’t the child she was afraid of, but of herself.

Emily took a deep breath and said “Thank you, sweetheart” and made her way to the shore where she could clear her head. She could feel her feet sink into the sand, which surprisingly was still quite warm. She sat down and sipped on her beer, and wondered if she would always be on the verge of a mental breakdown every time a child was let into her personal space.

She looked out at the sky and counted the visible stars. They hung like gems against the inky backdrop of the night. She wondered if she would be alone all her life, and whether she would be buried alone. She didn’t mind the thought too much.

Emily heard the sounds of approaching footsteps and turned around to see Lizzie’s girl standing there. Shuffling her feet in the sand, as if she was afraid to come closer. She decided, “Now or never. If I don’t muster the courage to be able to even speak to children, how will I navigate through life?”

She beckoned the child to come closer, and they sat together in silence for what seemed like hours. Then Emily asked her about her school, friends, the usual. They exchanged dry responses to and fro, but at least Emily didn’t feel like her throat was closing up. Progress!

Suddenly, the child grew solemn. She looked at Emily with big doe eyes and asked her, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, sure!”

“Will you promise me that you will keep the necklace I gave you, forever?”

All Emily could remember was seeing a flash of red.

When she came back to her senses, Emily was in a different surrounding altogether. It seemed like she was inside a prison. Wait a minute. She was actually behind bars!

It seemed like forever until somebody came to speak with her.

“Ma’am, you are under arrest for the brutal murder of a five-year old child. You were seen strangling her with a coral necklace that she had on and you were reported to not have been responding to your name. Once somebody was finally able to pry you away, the damage had been done.”

Emily sank to her knees. She couldn’t believe that she had the blood of yet another innocent child on her hands. Then she realized.

Forever.

The word that was the cause. The word that was behind all of this. The word that was responsible for the split in her personality. The word that was promised to her by her uncle, the word that her friend Nancy had uttered, and the word that this poor child let slip out of her mouth.

At that instant, Emily grinned a broad grin. She was happy that she was put into prison, knowing that her loved ones were safe, far away from her. She accepted the fact that this monster would lurk within her - forever.